i forgot the reason why i hate packed rooms with no place to escape. let me duck away quietly and when i come back, don't question my sullen demeanour and don't tell me it's all in my head and don't say it's fine. they all tell me it's in my head and that it's fine and don't be sad, nothing is wrong. they don't see the signals because they aren't looking for them. i'm on edge all the time, looking for and picking up signals.
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it isn't you. they say all the same thing. it's not just you. it's funny, i can hear it in your voice when it is you. just kidding, it's not funny at all. all i can hear is you and you are right, as always.
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i forgot myself. i went by myself and i never felt so out of place. i don't belong here. a layer of tears spilled over. i was moved but i was also in despair. i can't seem to gaslight myself into this. i admire you who needs no gaslighting. what if at the end of it all, my answer is no. i forgot myself.